Beer Review #2: Nectar Ales “Hemp Ale”/Humboldt Brown

14 Feb

I don’t know what they are playing at over there at Nectar Ales but I was pissed at this brew before I even poured the thing. As you can see, the label on the box is clearly different from the label on the bottle. WTF? I wanted “Hemp Ale” but to my dismay the bottles, once removed from their deceptive holsters, all said Humboldt Brown.  Surely I thought, someone had pulled a fast one on me. I DO NOT LIKE BROWN ALES. Newcastle sucks, it’s a watery, flavorless beer. I will drink Pabst Blue Ribbon before I dick around with a Newcastle. But regardless I had been stuck with a sixer of brown ales and I was going to make the best of it, and give this lying liar of a beer a chance to redeem itself with a fair review.

ABV: 5.7% (not off to a good start – I like em strong. If after 3 beers I am not shopping for shit I don’t need on Ebay, I get suspicious.)

Cost: you know what I don’t remember, lets call it $8

Aroma: at first it didnt seem like it had any whatsoever, but then I blew all the snot out of my nose and discovered subtle hints of molasses and port wine. Light to moderate hops. Hemp? If you are as familiar as I am with the aroma you would be hard pressed to detect any unless you were already high.

Appearance: The photo is flattering on the look of this brew, as it took no more than 30 seconds time for the white foamy/fizzy head to all but completely diminish. virtually no lacing. Fizzy brown, transparent body.

Flavor: A light initial malty sweetness, coffee-like bitterness, with a mild hop overtone,  and sort of a salty finish.

Palate: Light to medium bodied, a watery texture, soft carbonation almost flat but with none of the character to make that fact pleasant.

Pair with: Fish and Chips, and an angry, inebriated letter to the brewer detailing displeasure over fraudulent packaging.

To me these brown ales just have no balls, they’re just too mild-tasting for that color and aroma, if you’re a beer and you’re going to have notes of sweetness you better bring it  like your tastier relatives the Porters. Also if you are curious about the “brewed with hemp” thing on these, don’t bother with that experiment, you’re probably not going to notice anything.

3 out of 10 X’s…… XXX

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